Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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