I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
