I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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