Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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