Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
