Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
