I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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