this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
