I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
