sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
