im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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