why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
