i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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