Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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