I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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