Swine flu. Run for my life!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
