Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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