A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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