I just saw a hot homeless man
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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