i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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