can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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