it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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