I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
