I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
