That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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