words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize