when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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