glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
