I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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