she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
