chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
