i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
How's work?
Spinning.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
