He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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