You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
