I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think my moral compass just broke
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
