You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
