At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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