I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
