My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
