Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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