I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize