I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
