Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Green mimosas i think yes
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
