on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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