his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
