got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
