did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
