sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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