My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
