I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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