No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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