I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize