Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
