Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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