? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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