he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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