turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
