No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
