I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize