Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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