it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
