I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
