Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
