Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize