Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
