Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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